sandy's general musings

I was watching the pay it forward Oprah episode yesterday. only 1/2 of it as Alyssa had skating lessons. Anyway, I did donate 5$ to the woman's shelter here in Atlanta, which is what 2 women did with their money. They took 2k into 200K.

alyssa asked "who is oprah". I had to explain about having a show, empowering women, and also that if she ran for president, I bet she would get a lot of votes. Also that she is very rich, but tries to help those less fortunate.

The last 2 nites Alyssa has had her sleep issues again. I am going to maybe give her a bit of melatonin tonight . I know that its not a long term solution, but she needs her sleep. Once again, i am not sure what the cause is. I thought maybe it was chocolate in the evenings, but she did not have any last night.

Jack is kicking *** at the pinball game we have for the gamecube. Its amazing how good he is at video games, building puzzles, legos, etc. concentration and fine motor skills are his strengths. he always did have good fine motor skills. I can remember his gross motor skills taking longer.

Alyssa's big party is this friday. 6 girls sleeping my basement. I bet they are not asleep until midnight. I am glad this one girl is coming. Her mom is out of town, but we are making arrangements so that I will drop her off at a neighbors on sat and pick her up after school on friday. This is the one friend Alyssa wanted from school. My other concern is that her best friend will want to hang out with this other girl she knew and that Alyssa will feel left out and one of her tantrums will ensue. It really frightens me.

here is what I posted somewhere else for my black friday...

Thursday. online at 7am at circuit city. Got my garmin for 350! yeh.

up at 5:30at target at 6pm. got those digital photo frames for 68$. bought themicrowave for our giving tree at work. Got the sheets that were 1/2off. got the robe and some pj's for myself.

7am: walgreens. got the telescope for 10$, the tide for 1.99 andpeanuts for .99

got home and got alyssa. Jack was at a sleepover. Went to toys rus.got jack the guitar, some hot wheels thing, and Alyssa the hair braidthing. I sent her "away" while I got it.

Off to macy's. Got a winter down coat for 65$. Some slippers. WEntto get the high school musical DVD game, for 14.99, but they nevergot them in. Have a rain check. Got better deal on sheets (so this evening I returned the ones to target). Alyssa was bribed by her dadwith 10$ so she went to the limited too and got a necklace and posterbook for cheetah girls.came

home to empty car and then off to meet up with Jack. was in Bestbuy around 1pm. I knew that had nothing left. I had someone thatwasthinking about standing in the best buy line, but never did it.would have liked the 250 laptop. contemplating an lcd tv, but never did it.Afterwards I went into old navy. Bad mommy here. Let my kids wander.I had to buy baby clothes also for the giving tree. not too many great deals. No fun games like last year. Very disappointed.

So I got the GPS system I wanted. some toys for the kids, someclothing Items I have been wanting, and other misc stuff. I washoping the high end george foreman would be on sale somewhere, but itwasnt. waiting for cyber monday. I still ahd fun though waiting forthe ads, looking at them, and getting up early. The bummer was thatfelix had to work today. otherwise I would have camped out atmicrocenter. They had an LCD TV for 359 (32 inch).

Tonight I saw hannah montana shirts. I know Alyssa would love it. have to think about it.

Other notes. Alyssa is still an emotional basket case. Cried over her tangled necklace when I said I would fix it. Also, she did someting bad to her brother (she is always angry at him when he doesnt do as she wants) , so I asked her to go to to her room. She got real fresh with me. I lost MY cool and did yell and swat her on the butt. I told her that was not for what she did to her brother, but rather how fresh she was with me. I honestly believe though that her anger, sadness, etc is beyond her control. She is also a very compasionate and caring child. She does apologize for her behavior and even noted that she wants to be good. I have an appt for her in about 1 1/2 weeks. will be interesting.

Today we went to teh zoo. Myself, the kids, Alyssa's friend and her mom. It was a good day. It has been beautiful here. I used my garmin. I LOVE it. Alyssa did not have a meltdown when the battery died on the camera. that is the good news.

Other stuff. thanksgiving was great. no cooking here. Went to my friend's house and brought the wine. Felix hated the wine from trader joes. I guess no more of that. With it being warm the kids got to go into my friend's hot tub. They enjoyed that. They played very nicely and also ate very nicely there. My friend's baby is very cute. I did hold the baby for about 5 minutes, but I have to admit that babies/newborns are not my thing. The kids and I watched the parade. I was annoyed that when people were in the middle of a performance that they would cut to commercial.

There is so much, but my thoughts are not very flowing today. I hope I captured it all.

Only 2 more days until black friday. Its very exciting for me. WAtching the ads come out. I have many small things to get this year versus the big ticket items. With felix having to go to work by 8am that complicates things. Also wanting to be at serveral places when they open. Ialso took on the giving tree at work. this is where we buy items for families less fortunate. I have the list of items, of which are less $$ on black friday. Still, i cant wait for newspaper.

On some cute news. I had to take jack to get a fasting blood test this morning since he had no school. I told him when he woke up. He said "I will do it because I love you". We went and he was not that happy, but did not cry. Said it hurt a little. then they had him pee in a cup. When he was done he went to the waiting room where Alyssa and Felix were (they have no school so felix has them) and told felix all excited that he "got to pee in a cup!".

I am frustrated though with jack's behavior at school and being argumentative with his teacher. I have tried rewards and punishments and none seem to work. I even tried logic. He has issues with authoritive figures outside the home. I hope he outgrows it. Other than that, I have not many complaints when it comes to him.

Last night Alyssa and I watched the American music awards. It turns out that many of the disney people were on it, Aly and AJ, High school musical cast, Miley Sirus and her dad, the cheetah girls . plus all the other pop people alyssa likes. She knows so much more about pop music than I ever did at her age. At one point I was watchng the pussycat dolls and said nonchalantly, "oh that one has a boob job". Alyssa asked me what I said, and I had to catch myself. That is not something I wish to explain to her at this point. So I brushed it aside. Gotta be careful what I talk about, which lead to the next thing...

Felix told her that I was previously married. Since I had no kids, its not a big deal. I showed Alyssa a picture of Tom the other day. The discussion came up because of all her friends that are part of divorced parents. So its not a real big deal. She then wanted to tell someone though and I told her not to. Not that its a big deal, but she needs to start learning that certain information is not for sharing. She asked last night if she could tell people my age. I told her that is not something we usually share.
Overall she has been behaving ok these last few days. I think I am in a way, giving in to her more, just to avoid those meltdowns. Not in the big ways, but for little things. I am just so tired of dealing with them.

Alyssa say her old best friend yesterday for a playdate. She really misses Aly. The good news is that now that they only see each other about once a month they get along great. When they saw each other every day they will fight like sisters.
Jack also an indoor swimming bday party to go to. This was at the same place that alyssa had her 5th bday. When she had her party none of the kids could swim and had to wear vests. For this 6 year old party yesterday all but one kid was able to swim. Some of these kids were really good at it!. These are kids in kindergarten. Jack has been doing swim team and such so he is pretty good, but I was surprised how these other kids are so good.

I have been having a soreness in my left arm and upper back. Of course I have read that left arm soreness could mean a heart problem, but I am not short of breath or anythign else. plus my back also had issues, so I am thinking more of a nerve issue. But a quick fleeting though was "was if it was my heart". I thought about if I was not around to do all the things I do and how would Felix manage. Everyday there is something that goes on. Even this week that is a low week for example.
monday... make sure I have Alyssa's skating stuff and her friend's stuff being dropped off on sunday. Go to school from work and pick up the girls, as well as the other girl's sister. mom is going to be tied up. Take all 3 girls with me.
Tuesday, make sure jack is in brown. Alyssa can wear pj's to school if she wants. 9am is jack's play. Also on monday drop off items that I had to buy for the class feast. after the feast and play on tuesday go to work. leave work and get Alyssa to take her to do packaging for the meals on wheels people. my office does a "project open hand".
Wed. felix is with the kids. set up playdates if possible as well.
Thursday TDAY..... we are going to my friend's house this year. I really appreciate that. felix is working 7-4
Friday. MY FAVORITE DAY OF TEH YEAR. Shopping. of course I have to know what to buy.

This is a slow week. most weeks, there is homework, Wed activities for the kids, thursday gymnastics, etc. Of course every friday night I go over the kids friday folder as well. Then for the household there are things to do. I run it all (and dont mind it). But would felix be able to find the bank accounts? I pointed them out to him several times. They are available online. I have automated many of monthly bills. The point I am making here is that I really do a lot and if I was capable of doing all these things, that would be a big burden for Felix and others.
He knows that I do all these things and appreciates it. Being a mom is a lot of little things that add up.

my wrists hurt. No more nintendo pinball for me :). There was an interesting program on one of the news channels last night about the history of video games and how the lead in the market changes every few years, etc. Sony right now is the big leader.

Alyssa had a big insomnia night tuesday night. She was not as moody I thought she would be yesterday. Anyway, when it was time to take a shower she wanted a bath in my big tub. I did not want to fill it, so I offered the shower or her tub. She then melted, and we started to talk. I do feel very bad for her. She has no friends at school. It is all "her fault". She doesnt want to be friends with people she used to be friends with. She says that she doesnt have enough in common (translation --they dont want to do what I want to do). I do feel that some of it is failure of being rejected again. She recently was rejected by a girl she was being friends with. The girl asked Alyssa this week not to sit with her at lunch. I am sure that one of Alyssa's moods probably caused this. I know that she also is still really upset losing her best friend, who moved. She still sees her every few months, but that is not enough.
I feel extremely bad for her. I had barely any friends growing up due to my insecurities. She was friends with this one boy, and then she got teased about it, so now she doesnt want to be friends with him either. The three girls she wants to be friends with dont go to her school. There was another girl that she started to be friendly with, but then another girl is now her friends. The other problem is that she sits next to boys in the class (she is used as a buffer of sorts, plus at the beginning of the year she wanted to sit in the front). Today, during the class feast, I am going to ask the teacher if she can sit near a girl.

As far as her anger and crying , I have an evaluation set up for her. of course insurance is not going to cover it. 400$. I would rather go to someone that I trust then picking off a list that insurance sets up just to save money. The evaluation is in 3 weeks.

The good news is that Jack seems to be doing good minus his yellow lights and "arguing" with the teacher. For example, she will ask them to do XYZ and jack will wnat to XYY instead. He wants to work, but just on his terms. I dont feel this is a big deal at this point. He is thriving in kindergarden and rarely had the meltdowns like he had in pre-K. He also seems to do well socially. Academically he is doing great. I am happy that at least one of my kids seem "normal".

I have to figure out what I am going to do with the kids the weekend of thanksgiving. Since we are not going away.

Sandy

Last night we had family night. Felix made stew in the crock pot. Alyssa did not like it, so she ate leftover meatloaf. After dinner we all played with Jack's nintendo. We got a pinball game the other day. You can pick from 10 or so popular pinball games, starting from A-high which was from 1957!. We had a blast. I will say that yesterday Alyssa had a good day. No meltdowns, anger bursts, etc. We went to ice skating lessons and it turns out that they were canceled due to a competition later this week. We missed class last week so I did not know.

Speaking of Alyssa, i have a big mouth. I mentioned her issues with my sister in law, who in turn, told my brother. My brother, of course, has an opinion on everything and that his opinion is the only right opinion. (thats why he is a lawyer). So I had to listen to his advice for 1/2 an hour. I didnt bother to contradict him. He has read a few books and claims to now be the parenting expert. He wants me to read the same book(s). I wish I had not mentioned anything to my sister in law. I just did not want my brother involved in this. I feel its important to get her to see someone and just find out how much of her behavior is "normal". Worse case she needs to learn how to manage her emotions and I dont seem to be the person who can teach her that.

Today the carpet cleaners come. the basement needs it, since I will be having 5 or 6 girls spending the night down there in a couple weeks. Wow, I cannot believe the birthday party is just over 2 weeks away.

That about says it all. I have been trying extremely hard not to yell at her since we got back and to always remain calm with her. But still, she will cry, get angry, etc on teh drop of a hot. The more I think about it, the more I really think she needs additional help. I am going to call someone this week.
Yesterday at teh rink I bumped into someone I knew from Jack's pre-K. We did a few things together with our boys. She has 2 older girls. She has been through a lot with her kids. Her oldest had bully issues with her 4th grader last year, and her daughter, that is a year older than alyssa had ADD and then issues from her meds. She moved her kids to private school and sent her youngest as well this year to kindy there. He is now diagnosed was ADHD and had to also go on meds. He is a new child according to her. He no longer cries and is doing well academically. Which leads me back to Alyssa
I always knew that she had some ADD, in that I have it in some ways. I cannot do just one thing at one time. Also, in a classroom setting I tend to multitask as well, not always concentrating. BUT I am not/was not the emotional basketcase that Alysssa is. By the time I was her age, my tandrums were not every day. I had major self esteem issues, but I dont see that in Alyssa. What does SCARE me is that there is bipolar in my family and Alyssa reminds us of that side of the family in looks as well maybe behavior. It is not normal for an almost 8 year old to get out of control, angry, sad, etc almost everyday about "silly" things. She did this a the rink yesterday when Jack would nto let her "teach him" how to skate. She covered her face with her sweater, stormed off a few times, etc. She even cried. The other moms that I know saw all this. The other thing is that she did have lots of sugar in the morning since the kids took a cooking class that was about treats. I probably need to watch how much processed sugar she is eating in corrolation to how she is behaving. I am sure it makes things worse.
She is not going to have friends if she continues to act this way. That is worrysome. Also, if its bad now, what about when she is a teenager. So I really think I need to get some help for her. At least someone to talk to right now.

ok. enuf on that subject.

I have realized that even kids need a "vacation". yesterday both kids were extremely well behaved. Right before we went away, Alyssa was a mess. Even her grades were slipping. She got her first S- for doing work this year. The first night down there, she was also a disaster, but since we have been back, she has actually been a pleasure. Or at least for one day :). With her being easier to deal with, I have spent more time with her. I usually read with Jack, but last night I curled up with Alyssa and we read a book together. She actually likes the "marvin Redpost" books. I would think that it would more suited towards boys. The reading is not that hard on it either for a chapter book. I am bidding on the additional books on ebay right now. Jack is doing great with Dr. Seuss. He loves to read, but still has phonics issues. That will come in time.
We also hooked up the gamecube. Jack got the spongebob movie game. Its not easy to figure things out. he seems to do the best. luckily I found a web site that outlined what he needs to do and how the stages on that game progress. As long as he gets green lights he will be allowed to play. I do think that some of his behavior problems are related to being bored.

While in Florida I got to get a pedicure on the balcony of my parents place. they are on the 22nd floor. I am attaching a few photos taken at the beach. that building is their new building. My parents have decided to go high end, and whom am I to complain. The cost of the pedicure was not that much more than getting it done at a salon. Its not just about the polish for me, but a pedicure also seems to make my feet feel better overall.

One thing is how my parents make me always feel 2 feet tall. They always have something to be critical about. They blame Alyssa's issues completely on me. I think I have done things wrong, but I also think that she may have additional issues. I am not sure if I want to go down that path yet. I think I want to wait a little bit more. She is very over emotional (crying over an elevator button! ), but will she outgrow it, or is it something more? Her social life is suffering because of it, but she doesnt seem to "care". Also I got in a boatload of trouble over not saying goodbye to my father. We were getting into the elevator, and I had just made sure that both kids did a proper goodbye. It was really an oversite, but now I am a child that has no manners and that they are very disappointed in me. Oh well. This is all why I have never lived nearby them as soon as I could move out after college. I did not try to find a job in NY/NJ or florida. I need my space. I miss the babysitting and bonding with the grandparents I would get, but not the aggrevation.

I will attach some pics from our trip that I "stole" from felix.

I only get to read books when at the pool or beach these days on vacation. Today was one of those days where we spend the entire day at the beach and pool . I came upstairs to grab lunch for the kids. I read a book while I did keep an eye as well on the kids. Tonight felix and I are going out on a "date".
Alyssa was just awful the day we got here. so bad that I got a lecture from my parents about all the ways that I have done bad to create such a monster. She had 3 meltdowns. I really think that some of it is not in her control and she might need addl help. Of course some of it is having turned her into a "princess" of sorts. I am trying hard to be tougher on her, without yelling.
But since that day, she has behaved very well. So it is in her. Maybe she needed a vacation?
Yesterday we too the kids to this park. It used to be pretty fun when they had this big tree that had fallen. the kids loved to climb on it, but alas , it is now gone. AFter about 1/2 hour we had a typical 5 minute florida shower. So we went to this very expensive ice cream place. nothing less than 5$ because they specialize in oversized ice cream. Group type eating. It was nice to finally go, but it cost us 20$ just for ice cream!

I know I have more to say, but its hard typing on my mom's computer. Oh Desperate Housewives was fantastic last night!

We are now in south florida for 4 days. It is very windy. not just gusty but constant wind. BUT its warm. Anyway it has been a whirlwind 24+ hours.
Yesterday I dropped Alyssa off at that birthday party. Alyssa ended up going, though the girl was still upset with her over the "cat incident". Alyssa behaved herself though and kept her emotions in tact. I got back home and then did tons of laundry and also packed for the kids and later for myself. Felix and I went back and forth how much to bring. We are keeping some stuff here for when we get back in Dec. Meanwhile I called airtran. I prefer that airline to most others. Since we knew they had room for the 8am flight, we had to be ready to go before 6am. But wouldnt you know it---felix's work called at 11pm. From what I understand he was up until 1am. We got the airport by 6:45 and put ourselves on the standby list. The airport was pretty crowded at that time. I did make a mistake and accidently left an old small tube of sunblock in my purse. So it was taken. oh well. The flight was 2/3's full, so we got on by standby, but so did tons of other people. the flight ended up all full. The funny thing was that we had 2 seats together and then one seat 3 rows behind and then one seat 8 rows foward, with 2 others next to it empty. Also, the one in the back had the seat next to it empty until the last person. I ended up switching sot hat I could sit with Alyssa. She was going to have to sit by herself, but if she wants to fly by herself, this was a good test.
She did end up napping, since she got home late and was up early. We got here around 10am. the surf was too rough. the pool was too windy as well. My mom ended up getting Jack his gamecube at walmart. I dont want to go into Ms. Alyssa's academy award performance at dinner where she wanted to eat outside in the wind. Maybe another time.

time for a good night's sleep.

Well that is what all the web sites say. yes, we have squirrels in the attic. Not rats. Not sure which is worse, but the squirrels cost more $$$$ to get rid of. You have to trap them, and seal up the hole, where ever it is. Apparently they also need to be released far from your house or they will return. They can chew thru most anything as well.
Last night it was warm and rainy. they actually stayed outside. Or maybe I was too tired to hear them.

Sandy

That is what alyssa said about her daddy's heart. Yesterday the kids got their hearts checked since HCM is hereditary. Both kids have great looking hearts. Felix was even jealous of looking at such a clean echo. We did explain to the kids what a heart does and how it works. Jack was a bit unhappy about the blood pressure cuff. Apparently at his 6 year checkup they squeezed too hard. Jack kept the eletrodes and Alyssa kept the paper gown.

We got home and the kids got ready for halloween Felix took pics, so give it a couple weeks before I will see them. he always had to edit all his pics first. We did more decorations this year. The kids made 2 pumpkins, we had the singing frankenstein, the candy dish with the bird that talks , and now a moving ghost that hung from our tree. The neighborhood always provides pizza in our cul de sac before the kids go out trick or treating.

What felt like much later, the kids were in the house around 7. We sorted the candy. Jack only kept a few things. He wanted to make sure he did not miss a house, yet he doesnt even like most candy. Alyssa kept more. The rest is here at my office today.

Last night our attic friend(s) were back. I tried to get Felix to go up there when I heard the noise but "he was too tired". If this is a mouse/rat, it certainly is not going for the peanut butter! I am tempted to send the cats up there, but with traps, fiberglass, and nails, I dont want them getting hurt. Waiting for the exterminator to call me back.