sandy's general musings

This camp thing hit me very hard. I am not used to not being able to talk to Alyssa. yesterday I sent her a care package with the new hannah montana CD. I am over analyzing all the pictures on the website. I dont see her hanging out with the other girls and that really worries me. I just want to know if she is happy or not. Waiting for snailmail from her I could wait forever. I know i could not wait to send her off to camp. I will admit the house is peaceful and easy with just Jack. BUT I am concerned for my daughter's happiness. Will she make any friends.? that is the main question. The activities are fun, but you can have fun activities in daycamp. PArt of this experience was to work on her social skills. I have a feeling that this fall we will need a social skills workshop for her. I know that her not getting along with her BFF that she saw the week before camp plays a role in how I feel. I know that neither of my kids will be social butterflies, but I want them to be socially content. Especially Alyssa. This does stem back to my childhood and having self esteem issues along side social issues. Even as a grownup, I still , to this day, have social issues at times. Yes, I have friends, but sometimes I do feel like I stumble around socially. Felix is no social butterfly either, but in his case, he honestly doesnt care. For Jack, I am not as concerned. Boys dont rely as much on social stuff for their happiness.

I even tried to get someone from the camp to call me yesterday, but alas that did not happen. Just tell me what is going on . also I need to know if she needs anything. Looking at this logically, even if she is not having a good time, it wont ruin her. Its only 12 days. She doesnt have to go back again if she doesnt want to. BUT I think both Alyssa and myself put the pressure on ourselves that this would be a great experience. She had fantasies about this that I hope she got partially met, and I was hoping that she would make a friend or two and this would be a good summer refuge over the years to see those "camp friends". As much as Alyssa and I clash, I only want the best for her.


UPDATE: the camp called me.. They said that the counselor says that alyssa is happy and that this whole group of girls is getting along great---its one of the best groups they have had of this age group. This makes me feel a whole lot better. Though I would love to see her expression when she gets the package today. Also, she did not want the coffee milk, but this morning they had chocolate milk, so we finally got some milk in my child. I am PMSing this week, so I am also overly emotional and hearing the good news almost made me cry.

First, about a month ago, I discovered my birthday present (luggage) because when felix hid it in the storeroom in the basement, the kids went back to look and left a cat behind. So the next morning I found the cat, poop, and the new luggage. So I got my present early. Then I was suppose to go out friday night. Well that got canceled because my husband got very ill. Also, the one friend who was suppose to come ended up staying out of town. Sat night we were suppose to do a family dinner. Well felix still did not feel good and sat afternoon I got a touch of something that affected my tummy as well. Not that I would react like a man and just say I am sick and then not do anything for 2 days. Women are programmed differently. Men stay sick until they are 100%. If a woman can function she will.
Yesterday we dropped Alyssa off at camp. I really hope she is having a good time. I think it all boils down to if she is getting along with the other girls and making friends. Keeping my fingers crossed. Two girls in the cabin have their moms working in the office. I did ask them to send me email about how Alyssa is doing. I hope there are pics on the website with her in it. I just dont like that the only way to communicate is snailmail. I do miss her, but more importantly I want her to be happy there and I want to help in anyway. The last two days before she left (friday and sat) we got along great. I spend extra time with her, and even laid down with her before bed Sat night (had not done that in a while-aka its now hugs and kisses). She got a new webkinz as well. Of course, jack saw that, and now he has to have his.

Anyway, after we dropped Alyssa off, we stopped in this cute town called Dalonaga. Camp is less than 1 1/2 hours away, which is nice. We had lunch there and walked around. There are some cute shops. One shop had a player piano for .25. Jack loved playing those old fashioned songs and showed how he can "tap dance". We got hope and Jack wanted to go to "auntie's pool" so we did. They have a deep end and diving boards as well, so I could work on teaching Jack how to dive. He did pretty good, but still does more belly flop type diving, or his feet will go in as the same time as his head. He has not quite mastered the "arms first feet last" thing. But he did not hurt himself belly flopping and his version of diving should help with the last swim meet.

We stopped for pizza on the way home. Sat night, we were suppose to go to dinner, but I ended up bringing home burgers from 5 guys... the best burgers around. Last night Felix insisted that the TV come off, but I wanted to go to sleep with it on. With my PMS a fight ensued.

This morning FElix left for work, with nadda a word. Except for my parents, no phone calls. Alyssa would have made a big deal, but she is not here . Though without her getting Jack up, ready, and off to camp, was a peaceful event. Its not so much Jack versus Alyssa, but rather putting the two of them together. Alyssa definately instigates more stuff. But if I have one on one time with Alyssa she is ok as well. on the way to dropping her off, the two of them were so loud in the car. Somethings fighting and sometimes just goofing around with each other.

So I got one ecard from a friend, but somehow its blank. So the intent was good, but the something failed on the execution.... just my luck today.... Not that its a big deal. 43 is not a big deal... but it would have been nice to not have so many things not go my way for me.

Having 3 in a crowd never works as a child. Someone is always getting left out. This is what happened to Alyssa during the sleepover for her best friend. There was another girl there and Alyssa felt left out. Also, the day of the sleepover Alyssa got up at 6am! and I thought for sure she would crash around 9ish, but managed to stay up til midnight. She says the other girls kept her up. She was also up around 7:30 the next day where they went to the mall to get her BF's ear's pierced. At 4pm was the actual party at a place called the pink room, which is a girly girl type thing with bring your own fancy outfit, and they do the hair, etc. I got Alyssa home after the party and she was so overtired that she did no go to sleep until 9:30. I also knew better than to do anything that would set her off.

This new gym was joined is great. Felix has been working out within the rhelm of his heart condition and excited about it. I went on weight machines for the 1st time in over 10 years. Also I have been taking classes. Hiphop is better than step, as you have to learn moves, but you build on the same moves, versus step that after you learn a bunch of moves, you start all over in the same class. We cannot go tonight or tomorrow, so we will be on Sat. Tomorrwo night I was suppose to go out with a couple of girls in relationship to my bday on monday, but one of the girls is now going to be out of town. I hope to still go out. This year I really dont care about my bday, its just another year. I almost woudl forget about for the most part. I already have my gifts as I found the luggage during the cat-got-accidentally-locked-up fiasco.

Tonight is swim team night as usual. I love swim team and meets, but having them on Thursday nights, which is the night before the cleaning people come, really exhausts me.

Sat was an early and busy day with the swim meet at Marist. I will give Alyssa lots of credit. She is the slowest swimmer on her team, but she enjoys it and she tries. her issue is endurance. She is great the first 1/2 of the 25 yards and then loses it. 1st 1/2 25 yard time is probably 1/2 of the 2nd half of the 25 yards.. wow ! that was an interesting mathish sentence!
FElix took jack to his friend's pool and i took Alyssa to my office to pick up the father's day cards that I left here. We also went to the webkinz store. I can get any webkinz out there. We went home around 4ish and actually spend the rest of the night at home. On Sat Alyssa acted mature and wonderful--and I did not yell. Sunday was the complete opposite.
Sunday thigns were ok for fathers day. We went to the new gym. I took a step class for the 1st time in over 10 years. Its more like dance moves step. I have 2 left feet and there was no way I was able to keep up with all those moves. I ended up going to basic step moves at times. We then took the kids to the pool. Afterwards they did some rock climbing and we went to the rink for Alyssa's lesson. Things started off badly as she got upset with her friend Taylor. Then with Alyssa being overtired (up early on Sat, stayed up late Sat night and did not sleep in like most normal kids on sun), it was not a good mix. But good news.... She has her one foot spin starting to work! We got home and then went to dinner for Fathers day. Alyssa was mad at me already for the fact that I actually did not give in to everything she wanted. Now the RANT.. Felix does.! She prefers her daddy now all the time because he lets her do whatever she wants. She has even thrown things at him and he laughs. I know she doesnt do it to hurt him on purpose, but she gets wild and does it. I joke with him that maybe he will handle her the day that she really hurts him. It hurts my feeling a lot that she doesnt like me at this point, but its a two way street. I do so much for her. I am always there for her. When she behaves and does good I let her know. But I also to tend to yell when she gets out of control. After we got back from dinner she was playing outside with the neighbors and she decides to turn on the hose and hose them down. That got her inside and in timeout. That did no go over well with her. First, we are not allowed any outside watering, and 2nd that is very rude. Its sad that I am SOOOO looking forward to those 12 days of sleepaway camp. yes, I will miss her, and yes I love her, but I feel like I am in one those relationships with her -aka the boy that you love so much, but is so wrong for you. She is my daughter and its not the same, but sometimes the feelings and behaviors remind me of that time.
This morning we got along fine. We talked about some stuff, I got her ready for camp, I was calm about things......I just want to get past this issue of her not liking me before she goes to camp. She says she is only going to miss daddy, not myself or Jack. I really believe that when she gets back home we need to go back to the phsyiatrist and work things out better.

Onto father's day.. got felix Nascar stuff. he actually liked it. Cards from Alyssa, JAck, and the cats. Those cats are up around 6am these days meowing for food. Its so annoying. I need to teach them to sleep in as well :)

I finally got to the root of the issue of Alyssa, her sprained/broken body parts, and her obsession with ace bandages.. yesterday morning we had a big war over the ace bandages and that she insisted her hand was broken. I knew better as there was no swelling . Sure, she probably hurt it, but it certainly was not broken. The day before she had "snuck" an ace bandage to camp after I told her not to take it and then told the counselor there that I said she had to wear it. I was furious about the lie/deceit. Later that night I did not take her to the kids club at the health club even though she wanted to go. Also, she put up a big fuss at swim team practice. I almost removed her from the team, since she does like swimming. Anyway, yesterday morning she was fussing again and I sorta blew up. She ended up crying and then sorta locking herself in the bathroom. Finally we had to leave for camp and I gave in about the ace. Well I started to think about this whole thing and when this start, aka when she first sprained her wrist. So I figured we needed to have a really good talk about this.

so yesterday, after camp, I sat her on my lap and we talked about it. I mentioned that she would get hurt before she sprained her wrist, but she also put some ice on it and it was over, even if it still hurt a few days later. Why now is she insisting that its broken/sprained, ever time she hurts something (foot, arm, finger, hand, etc). Well it turns out that she is afraid that is going to really hurt something worse, since she did that first sprain. I explained to her how it took her X years to even get to a sprain and that things just dont break that easily. Also how the wrap really doesnt prevent things from breaking. She then asked what ace bandages are used for then :). I told her for someone her mom's age who needs extra support on their limbs :).

I also talked about how in the beginning she also loved the attention, but now how kids would think she is fragile and may not want to play with her.

Since that talk her hand "magically" was all better. This reminds me of when she was about 3 and having bad dreams. We could not figure out what was going on, but eventually found out that she had overheard me talking about how I put her ON the dryer when she was baby and mistook that for IN the dryer.

I hope our swim meet doesnt get canceled tonight due to storms. We had no rain for almost 2 months and now we are getting thunderstorms everyday.

We joined lifetime fitness this weekend. This is the new big healthclub in the area that everyone is joining. They told us that they already have 9000 members (including kids) and will stop at 10K. One of the justifications I did in joining is that it has a fantastic indoor and outdoor pool, so basically I am paying the same as if I was to join a pool for the summer. Our subd doesnt have a pool. Also, I am hoping that this will motivate Felix to get in shape, best he can, based on his heart condition. I would help him tremendously if he lost about 20lbs. both for his heart, energy, and looks. I hate to say this, but at his weight, I dont have this great "attractiveness" to him. So we shall see. If it doesnt work for him, I will probably just be a member with the kids, which is less money. We did spend 5 hours there on Sat at the pool. Sunday felix and I worked out a bit and put Jack in the kids club. They have a great kids club while you work out. I am very pleased that Jack decided to shoot hoops rather than play video games. Alyssa ended up going with a friend and her mom the rest of sunday. We met them out to ride bikes and Alyssa stayed with them. I thought it was cool that both my kids were riding bikes with Alyssa's friend, who just learned. Also, sunday late afternoon, Jack had a playdate with his friend (female) at their pool. this is basically his one friend that he made at school, so I encourage the playdates.
This is a real crazy week. Today I have an eval at the health club and Jack has speech after camp. Tomorrow the kids have pictures with swim team. Wed I have a crown being put in (YUK) and thursday I get my boobs smashed before the swim meet that the kids have. AT least no sleepovers next weekend. Alyssa went to a sleepover friday night and went to bed really late. I dont know that she ever recovered from that. This morning it was hard for everyone to get up for camp.

Well Alyssa went a whole day without a complaint. The funny part is that I told her that if she could go a whole day without a complaint she could have something (Ijust wanted it to just end). So she asked if she could have the desk we saw at the furniture store. Since I plan on getting it for her anyway, I said yes. So this becomes win/win, except that she thinks that she can get a big ticket item for doing something (which eventually I will let her know was not the case).

We are getting a new neighbor from Florida. they have an 8 year old daughter. So I am keeping my fingers crossed. Alyssa could use a neighborhood friend. Meanwhile she is not that happy with one of her other friends. I am trying to show her that for reasons she is unhappy with that friend, others could be unhappy with her.

Gotta love the summer routine of camp.. get filthy at camp... go to swim team and dirt comes off with clorine... go to showers at pool to get clorine off and wash hair.

The local hallmark has 5000 webkinz in stock. They are pretty much the only ones, but that is fine by me. I am now the official webkinz shopper for people.

I got back pretty late last night. My flight was delayed by about 2 hours by the time we took off.
Got home around 11pm. Had stuff to do around the house. ThenI was woken up by alyssa at 2:30 in the morning. She cant sleep. Her foot hurts. Felix let her walk around all weekend with her foot wrapped up from when it was "injured" 1 1/2 weeks ago. She finally slept in the guest room and I let her sleep in until around 7:45 and we go to camp later. But this morning it was her "arm that hurt". I now call her my china doll. I also have told her about the story about the boy who cried wolf. one day she will be really hurt and then I wont believe her. Going to bed around midnight and being up for a good part of the night, boy am I tired. And back to being mommy again. I missed my kids, but it was sorta nice to get out of mommy duties for a short while. Not that moving duties are much better. My mom has a hard time getting rid of stuff. She had cloves that were 40 years old! They did not have much time, so I would guess that the getting rid of stuff will happen over time. Its not furniture so much as books. We need to find a place that want french literature books. My mother has many french books. She needs to call some more universities. Bring those that she loves/needs down to Florida with her. The good news is that their apartment is like a regular 2bdrm apartment, but it was a full finished basement. She set up her office there, plus extra living room and the daybed, amounst other stuff. Without that space there is no way that they could have moved.

If I was up there I would try to ebay/craigslist some of their stuff. They have an old meat grinder , for example. But I am here in GA, so its hard for me.

While up there I got to see a friend that reads this blog :). It was great to see her family as well as the expanding belly :))). I will be going back up to jersey at the beginning of Aug , so I hope to see everyone then.

Its 6:30 am and I am here in NJ. I cant believe I got up so early (well I can... the sun comes up early here anda its bright). Of course Aunt Flo came today as well. The flights were delayed yesterday due to the "potential of bad weather". Not bad weather, but that it could happen. I never made it on my original flight, but rather got the the earlier flight that was delayed enough. It was pretty easy-- they were loading the flight and getting standby on and I asked if there was any more room, and sure enuf, there was. I bet the last flights of the day are never as full as they are booked, as all day long people from later flights are standby on earlier flights.
Once here I had to take a bus which was ok. I met a women who has kids my age with grandkids that she was visiting. So it was like talking to my mother as someone else.

Speaking of the kids, I did not post on friday, but they did AWESOME in the swim meet. Alyssa placed 3 in Butterfly out of 6 in a heat that counted!!! JAck did his entire backstroke. Alyssa announced she wants to do year round swimming. Sure, add more business for me... Gymnastics will definately be out then.
At the swim team I met this mom who has 2 girls my kids ages plus a young son. Turns out that they are jewish as well. Now I know everyone is going to chastize me for this one, but the mom , and now that I met the dad, are ugly. A part of me is not pushing forward to become friends as I probably should. It was hard talking to the mom the other day without staring at the facial hair that was growing. OK I DISLIKE myself for saying all this. Its not that I need to hang out with beautiful people; average is fine. Its just way below avg that I am being like this. I guess one thing is that I need to wait and see if Alyssa and her daughter become friends at swimming.
Alyssa did bond the other day with a girl that she did dance with while in kindergarten. The parents also have on other older son and then twin just turned 5 year olds, who were toddlers all those years ago.

Anyway, maybe i should try to get more sleep . 6 hours is not going to cut it.